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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Lovey Dovey Tuesday: BF/GF, Did I lost a best friend?

"We all have that one guy best friend that we lose because he gets a girlfriend." - The Notebook of Love
Now, this is a dilemma that many people encountered. Although I quoted "guy friend gets gf", but really, I think it is also the same for the opposite sex. Only, I believe, this is mostly true for girls.

A girl, is generally (but not all) more sensitive, more attached to feelings than guys do. When a girl declared someone as their best friend, may it be a girl or a guy, they see them as the people that is most important to them, sometimes more than their family. Rarely (I'm not saying that it does not happen) a girl changes when they got a bf/husband. They'd still see you as their best friend, and they'd still allocate some time to spend with you, despite being busy with other things (including their partner), even though it might not be as much as it used to be.

Many a times I heard my guy friends complain about their GF being too friendly with a guy who is supposedly her best friend. They would argue things like

"Why does she have to go out/meet with him?"
"Dia asyik back up mamat tu je!"
"She listens to him too much!"
"If you have a bf, would you still be flirt-texting with another guy?"

My answer each and everytime is the same,

"That's actually quite normal"

I know, I know, it sound ridiculous and perhaps ludicrous to guys, but it's the truth. Especially if she had been friends with the guy long before she know you. I know you feel suspicious, jealous and perhaps angry, But

calm down,

Take a deep breathe,

and think. 

IF she's in love with her best friend, don't u think she would've ended up with him instead of you? "Maybe she didn't realize it?" IF she didn't realize it, after so much complaining and hassle coming from you, don't u think she would've realize it IF she loved him? IF she already realize it, then why is she still with you? OR, would you rather she's NOT with you, and with him instead?

Friendships are dynamic. It MAY and MAY NOT change. source
There's a saying, "guys and girls can never be just friends". I don't agree that it applies to all. It's amazing, - the power of mind is. If you set to think something as that, it will be, just that. If she thinks and focus on the guy as merely a friend, no matter how much she likes, adores, and love him, she would NEVER fall in love with him, and they will always be, FRIENDS. (so basically what I meant is, he has been friendzoned! <--- here I googled the word 4 you.) For her, there are no other option, except to think that. So don't you go and disturb that focus with your doubts and jealousy and made her realize, she has an option to NOT keep focusing as being friends.

And even if she IS or HAD BEEN  in love with him, just remember, SHE CHOOSE YOU! And if the fact that her being with you is NOT ENOUGH, then maybe, you're the one who's NOT in love. 
"So can women and men be friends? Of course they can. But there is a silent understanding that some friendships are meant to be nothing more, and as with all relationships, there are certain rules that need to be followed. " -

But for guys, a different scenario can be seen.

Once they got a gf, most all of their time are kept occupied by their gf or their male-buddies. Most of them do not keep in contact with their girl friends anymore - not as much as they used to. Some, might even go to the extreme by severing their contact with other girl-friends all together. Now you can see why these guys gets restless when their gf don't do the same with their guy-friends. This is actually the excuse my guy friends gave for them being jealous/restless.

And when it is being pointed out, some of the gf might answer, "I didn't ASK you to do so!" If she answer you like that, then PLEASE don't jump into conclusion, she's not saying she don't love you and that you are not enough. And she's not saying she DON'T appreciate that, she's just making a point that it's ok to have friends. She's saying, she knows that best friends are important, and since she value hers, she would understand if you'd value yours, and so she wont ask you to severe all connection completely.

"Some 83 percent of the people surveyed think that cross-gender friendships can and do exist, according to a 2001 poll of more than 1,500 members. And a 2006 study by Canada's Public Health Agency of nearly 10,000 Canadian children shows that they often start early, with 65 percent of boys and 60 percent of girls declaring three or more close opposite-sex friends by grade 10." - CNN

Truth is, from the general gf's point of view, when a guy do this, it is fantastic, and sweet, and reassuring. But seeing it from the friend's point of view, it SUCKS BIG TIME. 

Like I said, girls don't tend to severe connection with friends, especially best friends. So when their guy-best friend gets a girlfriend, they dread that it would be goodbye. And even if they don't show it, or complain about it, believe me, it hurts. Even when a girl-best friend gets a bf, a girl will feel lonely and sad, like their bestfriend had been stolen by the bf. So it's basically the same with guy-bestfriends, perhaps worst - because with guy-best friend, you lose them completely.

I dunno about other girls, but for me, I'd scold my bf if he does that. I'd rather become his best-friend's best-friend. That way, we could even spend time and hang-out together, and it won't be awkward. Like wise with my guy-best friends. I'll ask them to intro their gf to me so I can assure her I'm no competition, and that I can actually be off help to her in the future (which usually is the case), and perhaps join hand in hand with her to make his life a weee-bit more happily miserable. Of course, I'll intro my best friend to my bf as well, and force them to be buddies. Or at least, to make my bf see that my best friend is someone he can trust.

Even experts agrees! - Check out the TIPS here.
I would like to call all girls and guys to TRY and be friends with your partner's opposite sex best-friend. Jangan la sombong sangat. Some girls/guys just LOVE to make it difficult for their partner by being ABSOLUTE ass. I mean, would it hurt to actually be friendly a bit and TRY to get to know the other person first? I know, it's natural to feel a bit of hostility towards them, but do try your best to keep it in you. Hold off your judgement for that person until you actually get to know them, ok?

And for the best-friends, don't hog your friends to yourself! Be understanding. You would feel the same if you are in their shoes. You too don't just assume the other is not good for your friend and keep trying to convince them that it is true. Trust your friend's instinct a bit and go and get to know their partners. You might be surprise at what common grounds you can walk on - at least you already know that your best friend is one of it. And remember, even if you don't approve of the bf/gf, DO NOT try to poison your friend - especially if they're happy. You DON'T KNOW what is happening between them, and you have NO RIGHT to meddle in. Just be there as a friend that you are and support them, and when they cry, just be the shoulder to cry on, and the ear to listen, then make them smile again :)

So how to balance your friend and lover? Here's some tips from CNN:

Phew~ what a long post.. So, tell me, what's your take on this?


  1. I think,the reason I have no male bestfren is because,I'm good at havin a good girl bestfren.. Ha ha ha.. ^_^.v..

  2. Well, from my experience, girls can have a good guy friend but not too close. Even if you don't end up falling for him, he might end up falling for u!

  3. Actually, be it guys or gals, there must be a limit to having best friends when u are attached. For example, when they are single, they can hold hands when going out, but this must stop once they have the other half.

  4. agree with Charmaine..if we dont end up falling for him, he might end up up falling for us...-_- *anda pasti tahu kisah yang mana satu saya maksudkan..hahahah...

  5. @aki haha~ you are~~ ermmm... hahaha~

    @Kelvin - that's true. There's a limit to EVERYTHING. But, errr... I don't hold hands with my guy-friends. haha.

    @Charmaine and kuna. Yes. That happens - a lot. haha. But even so, I'm talking of instances when it's not the case. Or even if it's the case, you want to stay as friends rather than nothing at all. And yes, that is a very torturing place to be at. Hmm maybe this should be my next topic? hehe

  6. tq sudi dtg ziarah blog.. semoga silaturahim terus terjalin... entry melayu takde erk? english saya slow sikit sori.. kena baca dgn teliti kalau mcm skg online kelam kabut mmg x sempat hehe...

  7. alang2 singgah, follow terus la..

  8. @Nani Thanks! Ada satu je post Bahasa Melayu. Penjelasan ada kat situ... pergila tgk~ hehe

  9. Never encounter this kind of situation before,but i like ur post! Nice write out :P



  12. OhOHOHOHO so TRUE!! Lmao xD Have I been in this position or what? Awesome post, nana xD Like always. I and I love the picture with the two best friends, it is. so. darn. sweet!!

  13. @steph - lucky you...
    @pakjoe - no hal~
    @chopsticks thanks! and I loved that picture too! and the caption is just priceless...



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