Lovey Dovey Tuesday: A Person To Keep

As you get to know someone, you will eventually learn a lot of their traits that you dislike, hate or annoys you. That's normal. But have you ever felt that even though you definitely hate those traits in that person, you never seem to be able to hate them or keep a distance from them? That, I believe is called accepting a person as they are. Come bad or wrong.

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Lets just say, you ever find this person, NEVER let them go. Despite all the things they hate about you, if a person still stay with you even though you do not bring them any apparent benefit then keep in mind that this person is someone worth for you to keep. Treat them well as they are the person who will always accept you as you are. They might be a friend, a lover, a family member. No matter who they are, always remember to appreciate them. Because they are the one who will always be there for you through thick and thin.

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But also be reminded, if you don't appreciate them, or keep mistreating them and take them for granted, eventually they will leave. And once they leave, you'll lose them forever because chances are, they'll never come back. 


Even if they are still somewhere you can reach, and somewhere you can see, you will feel it yourself, that they are just not there any more. The place where they usually stand will be a big void that feels so empty. The smile that is always warmly beaming at you will turn to a smile that is so polite, that it felt cold. 


Because we hurt the people we love the most and be hurt by the people we love the most. They had loved and accepted you the most as you are, so when they leave, it meant they had been hurt beyond any recovery. And because of that, no matter what you do after that, your relationship with that person will never return to the way it was. And so, you had lost them forever. 

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I have always tried to remember this, and now, I hope I would be able to remind some of you guys who read this, ALWAYS appreciate those you have around you. Because once you lose them, the word "if only I" would only be empty words.

How to do it? Simple. Just think, if they die tomorrow (touch wood, Nauzubillah) what would be the things you wish you had told them, and what are the things that you would wish to do for them or with them. Then, SAY IT, DO IT. Because you won't get another chance. If you wait for tomorrow, and tomorrow never come, you will regret it. I promise you, you will. I know, I had been there.

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Let's take a moment and appreciate those people who are worth for us to keep.

For my friends, family and all those people who had always stand by me through the best days and the worst days of my life, I thank you very much for being there. For those who had received the very worst from me and yet still loved me and accepted me for who I am, I'm sorry for those times I might have hurt you. And know that, from the bottom of my heart, I love you. And will always do. Thank You, for being you. :)

A small reminder to everyone from the Brat,

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Oh~..,!?

Oh.

When you read that one word, comprises of 2 letters and a full-stop, how did you read it? How did you interpret it? Like every other word that symbolizes emotion in this word, a simple "oh" could have been interpreted in soooo many ways.

Generally, "oh" is understood as an affirmation of something. But the underlying meaning of the affirmation is something debatable.

Depending on the situation. context , the word could mean a lot of thing. So today I want to explore on this little word "oh".

Situation 1
A: Look at that!
B: What?
A: That!

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B: Oh...

Okay, are you looking at the ass or the skirt that screams "hey, i just met you, but this is my number, so call me maybe?" hehe

Anyway, in this case "oh" is probably stating "Oh, I see what you mean. Nice one!"
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The same conversation, may apply to the opposite with a different "oh"

Situation 2

A: Look at that!
B: What?
A: That!

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B: oh!

See? in this "oh" is saying "Damn shit! I see what you mean!"
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Then there's also the "oh" that indicates you remember something.

Situation 3: 
A: It's time!
B: What?
A: Don't tell me you forgot!! It's 

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B: Oh!

This "oh" usually sound excited and affirming something. Sometimes followed by "shit" "shoot" and other things that indicate they almost (or already) in trouble. XD
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There's also "oh" that comes along with a question mark (Oh?)
Like everything that comes with a question mark this "oh" indicates a question. But be careful. Not ALL "oh?" are meant to be answered...

Situation 4:
A: I have NEVER met a guy as coward as you!
B: oh?

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Yep it usually come with one eyebrow raised. Be wary. be VERY wary for these kind of "oh". Cause it would usually comes with an action that is total opposite than you expect. If I were you, I'd run. 
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In many cases "oh" can be correctly be interpreted with the symbols or words that comes before or after it.
But this one, is the most bewildering one.

Situation 5:
What they said:
A: I'm so sorry. I can't make it. I have to help pick up a friend at XY!

What I heard:
A: I can't make it today, I got something more important than you to do. 


B: oh. 

Yep, when I used the word "oh." To me, no matter what the other person is saying, it meant exactly the above. To me, they just have something else more important than me to pay attention to. 

Which is fine. I mean, I also sometimes have other important things rather than them. In these cases, I would've said "ic, it's ok", or "oh, alright, see you next time". And things like that.

But when I reply only those two letters and a full-stop. You can bet that I'm not okay with it at all. It would have meant I was really looking forward or hoping for it. It would have meant, my heart had just been sliced, and is bleeding a bit. That "oh." would mean

"I'm not okay with this"
"Ouch, that hurts!"
"U are breaking my heart"
"You just completely dashed my hopes"
"So I see, I'm not important enough for you, not the way you are to me."

I'm starting to sound a lot like the overly attached girlfriend. lol

Well, I usually return to normal in a while after that. And I would probably soon forget about that incident.
But still, it doesn't lessen the impact it has on me (lol spoken like a real drama queen.)

So anyway, these are just some of the "oh" that crossed my mind. I bet if I "squeeze" more from my brain, I'll get more. But I'm getting lazier to do so.

Tell me, what does "oh" meant for you?

Will write again when I feel like it XD
The Brat,

Lovey Dovey Tuesday: Foreveralone Post

I always taught that the "foreveralone" term is overrated. 

I mean, no one is truly, really forveralone right?
You have your family, your friends, your collegue or perhaps your neighbor, so you are not really alone.

Technically, you're not.

For me, the most terrible foreveralone feeling is not being alone physically, but being with so many people surrounding you, yet still feeling so lonely, isolated, detached, alone...

That feeling of hollowness inside and no matter what you do and how many people you gather around you, the feeling just go deeper that you can feel it making a hole in the pit of your stomach.

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It is especially worst when you look at the wedding/engagement pictures of your closest friends, when you see your friend going somewhere with their partners and having so much fun, when you are in a room with your friend who is on the phone with their significant other, when you called your friends up to meet but they are busy with other plans and every other person you can think of to call and have a chat with, already have someone else that they cherish... The hole just keeps on getting bigger that you feel like if you don't huddle and curl, you are going to be swallowed full by the hole. 

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Yep, that feeling comes and visit me once in a while when I have idle time. I have kept myself busy enough not to think of it too much. But with strings of wedding invitations coming from friends my age, and pictures of their cute children and their holiday with their significant other, how the heck am I going to be able not to think about it??

The worst part is that my dad has started pressuring me to get married. He was saying something like giving me another year and if I don't have anyone, he'll get one of my uncle to find one for me. And also saying "yes" to the first person that ask for my hand. I mean "seriously dad???"

I want to say "I'm not ready!"
I want to say "I want to focus on my career!"
I want to say "I don't have time to think about that!"

And other cock-bull-shit I can come out with.

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But the truth is just that I am a foreveralone girl. 
I don't have a boyfriend, not even a crush or a love interest right now.
Heck, I don't think anyone have set an eye on me at all and actually, vice-versa too.

What is it that I am looking for? 
What the hell is wrong with me? (Well, other than the obvious fact)

It's not like I have never had people interested in me. But somehow, I always manage to not be anything at all with them. Oh yes, I flirted and had flings aplenty, but none was ever serious. None was ever leading to anything.

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And I had god knows how many one sided crushes. None of the guys that I had ever taken fancy on had any fancy at all for me. I have no idea how many times I had been friend-zoned by these guys. But I guess, I learned to live with it shortly after. except for that one time. 

I had a humongous one-sided crush on someone who doesn't like me back - for 4 freaking years!! He stringed me along with no definite answer all those time. Deep down, I must've known he doesn't feel a thing for me, but I kept waiting anyway. And it took me another 3 years to completely get him out of my system which one whole year of it consisting of totally severing contact or connection with him. I lost not only my love, but also my best friend. Now, he is too much out of my system that I don't feel anything at all when it comes to him. Just plain politeness is all. I guess, no matter how much I try, I would never get that best friend I used to have again and the thing is, I never really tried.

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And it's not that there were never any advances made by guys for me. But none of them caught my interest, and some is just too plain creepy. Don't get me wrong, I did try to open up and try to get to know them. But that's just the problem. After getting to know them, I didn't and couldn't like them. Even-though I try to give them chances, I would always stop myself due to the bad taste of having to pretend. And it just would not be fair for both of us. Until that one guy, I decided to take a leap of faith on despite him being somewhere I can't possibly reach (overseas).

I used to have this sort-of a boyfriend. Well, that's what he said I can call him - my boyfriend. He expresses interest, and said "love" so many times I have lost count. Asking me to trust him, and that he would NEVER change his mind. Telling me that he would always love me. But he too disappeared on me. "Kapish" just like that. at first a month of no news, there were apologies and promises that it would not happen again, but then it goes to a couple of month, and again, and now, it has been half a year with no news, no calls, not even a text, or fb msg. NOTHING. Heck, we never even officially broke up. He just, well, disappeared, like he never existed - I guess, he never did. A guy so perfectly and seemingly compliments me (in terms of thoughts and ideals) someone who is blessed with good looks and good background, with a mind that I can respect and who just so happens totally adores me. I guess he can just be a result from my over-reactive imagination.

So I was left with an empty shell hanging from an invisible thread. The best part of it (or the worst) is that I'm actually looking at that shell hanging from my ceiling everyday, from the outside but feeling the hollowness of it inside me.

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Like I said, I  don't have a boyfriend, not even a crush or a love interest right now.
Heck, I don't think anyone have set an eye on me at all and actually, vice-versa too.

Maybe, taking up on my dad's offer is not such a bad idea after all.
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.
.
.
.
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HECK NO!!

lol~ seriously, even if it kills me, I will not be so desperate for men.
Sure, it would be nice to have a significant other, but I have no plan of losing myself while looking for it. And I am quite sure I am doing well enough fending for my self.

And to my I-have-no-idea-if-you-are-still-my-boyfriend-or-not. I am declaring myself single and available now. If you read this and find that you still "love" me, well buddy, you would have a lot of work to do to try and win me back. (Aw shucks. I sound so vindictive. lols. Don't really care) Cause I promised myself this:

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And I'm planning to totally fulfill that promise. and oh yeah,

Seriously, I will. Try me.

Sincerely,
Bratty even when I'm eighty,

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Being A Girl

Wow, I can't believe how long it has passed since I last wrote in this blog. Oh, don't get me wrong. I tried. I have a few drafts here, but somehow I didn't get to finish it. But, as Ernest (Bro don't like that la Bro) had so very kindly point it out to me, "the fairy populace in that daisy field needs to be kept in check". Now we won't want them to lose their spark and "fizzle" do we?

Being a girl.

It's not difficult.

It's not weird,

it's just what it is.

When I was much younger, (in school) I always despise being seen just as another girl. Well, I still do now - because I believe I am more than just "a girl", But back then, probably due to the notion of "girls are weak" "girls are lame" I just don't like when people (especially boys) refuse to do something or include me in games because I'm a "girl".

Well, yes, I do have the classic signs of a tomboy, except, I wasn't exactly one.

I wear my hair in ponytail (before I started to wear Hijab) and loves to wear skirt. I enjoy playing dress-up and I also enjoy playing masak2 and kahwin2 with my siblings and cousins. My mom's make-up is never safe from me and my sister's clutches and you know, all those girly things girl do, like playing with barbie dolls and stuff.

But, at the same time, I love to play in the dirt. I enjoy going to the stream behind my grandma's house with the boys, love to get up on the tree and pick some fruits, ride the bicycle out, playing catch, playing bottle cap and other games with the boys. I especially enjoy the arcade and the rides at a fun park and no - I've never liked the girly/kiddie rides - I always go for the extreme.

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So when guys just dissed me aside because I'm a "girl" I hated it. I really do.

But as I grew up, I started to appreciate being a girl. Somewhere along the way, I learned that it's ok for me to act and think like a girl. There's nothing bad or lame about being a girl. Sure, there are some restrictions but it's not so bad at all.

I had realized myself that there are somethings (as cool and fun as it seems) wouldn't look so good for a girl to do it. It may be social adjustment, or complying to what society thinks or believe, but nevertheless, I see it as it is. I started to see that some of the things that girls don't usually do are the things that doesn't really matter anyway.

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I see that, it is not so bad being the "weaker" one. It doesn't mean that I can't do it myself or that I can't survive if there are no guys doing it for me. But it is definitely nice to have them do it for me. It also makes life much easier. Sometimes, I find that, I let them do it because I like to see it. There is something somewhat flattering and endearing about guys who do things for girls (but not up to the extent of being a slave or queen control-ish kind of way).

Then I also started to see the limitations that is me.Not necessarily because I'm a girl, but more because I am just not as big or as strong as the boys. As "sturdy" as I like to believe I am, I know for sure that I have the stamina of an unfit 60 year old, and it doesn't help that I have asthma since I was 5. So I know, as much as I love extreme sport and hiking and just being rowdy and wild, I know I couldn't last long. It would take me twice as much time than my friends to finish a jungle tracking, So I never force anyone to wait for me, and I definitely warned them beforehand, I'll be slowing them down.

One of the perks of being a girl :p
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What I really hate is to be seen "JUST" as a girl. or "JUST" as anything. I believe that everyone is more that another "just".

I AM a girl - or maybe at this age, a woman. I AM a Muslim, I AM a Malay, I AM a Malaysian. THAT is just some part of who I AM. but that doesn't defines me - not totally.

I'm not a very feminist person. Yes, I believe that girls could excel just as much as guys in many things. But there are certain things that guys do much better - and look better at doing it than girls. I don't believe in "equality" because "equal" is not necessarily "fair". 

For example, how is it fair that a person who works twice as much and need the money twice as much coz they need to provide for a family of 11 gets "equal" amount of gain as someone who doesn't?
To be fair, people need to get what they need in proportion to how much they deserve it. 

I don't expect it, but I do like it very much when guys do things for me. Example, holding the door open for me, helping me with lifting things - even when I didn't ask for it. It's actually nice to be treated like a princess once in a while. (too much of it would be a bit tiresome though). I am an independent person. Had always been one. But it would be awesome to have someone I can depend on.

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Honestly, I have no idea what made me write this post. I'm not even sure where this post has just went to. It's probably the flu that I'm having right now that has just infected my throat and up to my head. Luckily I'm not on my PMS now. lol~

Ah well, hope u manage to wade through my post and sort-of enjoyed reading it. Uh Oh, I want to share something I found from the Net. I FIGHT LIKE  A GIRL! Damn right I do!

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A sick Brat,

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Oh so Drama!

Hello everyone!

How have life been treating you? Me? At first I thought life had been tough. I was tested with all sorts of problems and heartaches to the point that I felt like crying helplessly - but the thing is, being in the situation I was, I could not even afford the luxury of crying.

But throughout that trying times, I thank Allah that He made me realize that I was blessed with great people surrounding me. My friends, my employers, my colleague, my family - having everyone around me that is so supportive and understanding, I was able to brave it through and face my day with smile and laughter. - Yup Brat had to pretend to grow up a bit. heheh~

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Studying for Passion or Subjection?

Before I continue, let me enlighten you guys what I mean by Passion and Subjection.

Passion here, without any doubt means u are doing it because you love it. because you enjoy it. because you are enthusiastic about it.

Subjection here would mean because you have to (like your parents ask you to) or because it's your responsibility to do so.

Why I use the word "subjection" instead of just plain "responsibility" u might ask.

1st, because it is never just because of "responsibility" it is more than that. You are subjected to it. You just HAVE and MUST do it - for whatever reasons you can come out with. Responsibility is just one of it.

And 2nd, because it rhymes with "Passion" ^__^

Back to the subject. I started to think about this today when my brother announces his (very) bad result (again) to my father. So, we kind of have a little discussion on the matter and a word my dad say just stuck on my mind and I decided to make a blog post out of it. He said,

"it's not just about weather you are passionate about it or not, it is your responsibility to study"

I understand where that came from. Being a Father who needs to work 18 hours a day just to make ends meet, seeing his only son not being able to perform just breaks his heart. He do not wish the same life for his son. And I get that. (Everytime I think about how hard my dad works for us, I'd get so emotional it makes me cry a tear)

But Daddy dearest, please understand. He's just not cut out for the course he is currently taking. I've said that from the start. (he's now going on to his fourth semester). Judging from his character, I am positive he could not perform in his current course. I am not trying to undermine my brother, because I know that he had tried his best. I know what it feels like to be there. And I'm saying this as someone who experienced it first.

I was once like my brother. I took a course that I was not cut out for and I failed miserably to perform. I tried my hardest to study. In fact I studied much harder back then than I do now, but each time my results came out, I'd be disappointed. Every time seeing the result that could hardly reach a 3.0  breaks my heart so much that I'd cry. It even make me feel reluctant to continue my studies. So, I know EXACTLY how my brother is feeling right now.

But when I solidify my stand, and took a leap and changed my course, I was able to perform much much waaaaay much better than I did before. Not only was I able to get better results, I was also enjoying my studies and my student life. The CHANGE I decided to take was exactly the thing I needed. Knowing myself and where my PASSION lies is the first step I had taken.

If you have read my previous post SMART ke? you might think what I am saying today contradicts with what I was saying back then. But to me it isn't. It's one thing to fail in fulfilling your responsibility because you are barely trying, it is another when you have tried your best yet still failing.

I agree that studying is a responsibility. What you need to do and must do. But without passion, even if you succeeded in fulfilling that responsibility, it would be a hollow victory. In the end, you'd suddenly find yourself in a whole different path than you expect (and were expected) to be.

Without passion that responsibility is a subjection - you'd feel like a slave doing it. But when you have passion, fulfilling that responsibility is something you would look forward too. Even if it is a difficult path, because you are passionate about it, you'd go through it, and even if you fall into a heap of garbage, you'll come out smiling and smelling like roses. The success you achieved, is one you would be proud of.

Just like how I feel today. I smile each time I look at my results slip. If I hadn't taken that leap years ago, I would probably still frowning at my result. I would NEVER had a chance to feel proud with all the hard work I've poured into my studies. I guess it is because I am studying for my Passion and NOT just Subjection. I have a responsibility to study, to perform to be an example to my siblings as well as making my parents proud. But I'm doing it with a smile instead of frowns feeling like a warrior instead of a slave.

I wish my brother and everyone could feel the joy I have in studying. And feel proud of what you had worked so hard for like  I do now. Learning should not be something you would take as a burden, it should be a gift you'd be happy to receive.

Just a little thought from the Brat,

p/s: none of the picture belongs to me. I Google it up.