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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Feeling a bit too lazy and too much nostalgic... So I'm just putting up random picture. This was taken by a good friend of mine on one of his excursion... And I simply loved it. Don't you?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

A penny for thoughts

I'm gonna write about the YCM summit soon, but for today, I'm posting this that I read somewhere... Just another penny for thoughts :)

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
  1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..
  2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won’t make you cry.
  3. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
  4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
  5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can’ t have them
  6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
  7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
  8. Don’t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.
  9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
  10. Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
  11. There’s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
  12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
  13. Don’t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

Friday, December 11, 2009


If life has lost it's meaning, can you find meaning in death?

I happen to watch a trailer with something like the phrase above (I don't remember the exact words but it means something like that). And it triggers the blogger in me (sounds good when saying it that way doesn't it?... LOLs). Anyway, the title of the movie is Departure. Here's a summary I took from

"Daigo Kobayashi (Masahiro Motoki), a devoted cellist in an orchestra that has just been dissolved and who is suddenly left without a job. Daigo decides to move back to his old hometown with his wife to look for work and start over. He answers a classified ad entitled Departures thinking it is an advertisement for a travel agency only to discover that the job is actually for a "Nokanshi" or "encoffineer," a funeral professional who prepares deceased bodies for burial and entry into the next life. While his wife and others despise the job, Daigo takes a certain pride in his work and begins to perfect the art of Nokanshi, acting as a gentle gatekeeper between life and death, between the departed and the family of the departed. The film follows his profound and sometimes comical journey with death as he uncovers the wonder, joy and meaning of life and living."
I haven't seen the movie yet, but I read that it won several awards. Maybe when I did watch it, I'll review it a bit here. But what was running through my mind when I saw the trailer, was a whole different thing than the storyline - SUICIDE.

When LIFE has LOST it's meaning... What do people do with their lives? What runs through their mind when there is no longer meaning for them to be alive? Is DEATH the answer? Will death brings any meaning at all?? A friend of mine once told me that people who commit suicide, -to him - is very brave. He said that killing another person is a thousand or million times more easy than killing oneself. Even when we intentionally try to hurt ourselves, like cutting your hand or knocking your head we would hesitate - a lot. I agree with him. so I said, "Suicide is the most bravest cowardice act in the world for the most coward people."

When you die, there is no meaning left. Not for you. For other people, well, maybe it will stick to them for a while but eventually, people will forget. then, what is there left?

If you feel like your reason to live is gone, then find another reason to live. You say you are depressed, the world look empty or cruel or cold or full of stress then, it's not the world, it's YOU. The world is only what you want it to see as. No matter how bad you think your situation is, there is always someone who is in a way more terrible situation than you. STOP with the 'you're not me, you don't know how I feel' or 'I have a lot of problems that you cannot understand' CRAP. Of course I don't understand, of course I don't know, I'm not you. I don't see the world in a negative light and find every other reason to make a fault at something like you. Even if you feel like your world is crashing, believe me, if you stop to actually look for a while, it probably isn't. I'm not saying the problem doesn't exist, but everyone have their own situation, have their own problem that they have to face. At a point in everyone's life, there will be problems and conflicts that can make a person just want to jump off a high rise or a cliff. But - the difference is weather you want to face it or run a way from it. Suicide, is simply the first easiest exit. And blaming others and everything else, is the second. Both easy exits never bring any positive result.

Now let's say that if you wronged someone, and you want to pay back by killing yourself, what you get is you dying... What about the other person??? They maybe have to live in trauma, they maybe felt like dying themselves, but no matter what happen, the wrong has not been right. there is no way the other person can feel that they had been done right for. In this case, dying is also the only easy way out. The more dreadful option is actually living facing the person. If you had done wrong, the only right thing you can do is to actually live, and face the consequence. Face the loathing that is being thrown at you and still help them anyway you can.Throwing in some other charity won't be such a bad idea as well.
Suicide to me, is an act that is VERY selfish. That's right - even when they justify it, as for someone else. They might say "They're better off without me" "If I'm not here, they will be happier" "If I die, they can get money" in the end, what they are thinking is themselves. They can't stand LIVING and become a burden for someone else - instead of working to lessen the burden, they choose death. They can't stand LIVING and being hated, - instead of working to be a better person, and find people who actually can like them, they choose death. They can't stand LIVING and be poor, - instead of striving to live and work to earn money, they choose death. Had they actually think about someone else other than themselves, they would've realized, no one wants them to commit suicide.

Jokingly, I always tell my friends, "if I can't get this or that, I'm gonna kill you." and they said "don't people usually kill themselves? why kill me?" I said, If I kill someone else, at least one day (in a country with no death penalty) I might be forgiven. Even in my religion, if I really repented, I could be forgiven. But if I kill myself, there is no more forgiveness to give. And even my God won't except me.

I don't remember what anime it was, one phrase I heard that time is still stuck on my heart until today. It says, "Live... as long as you're alive, you can do anything. As long as you're alive, you can be happy" - or something like that :)

Just ramblings from a brat with opinions,
-Nana Eddy-

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

If I try, it would break to pieces,
If I don't, it would shatter to bits,
If I lie, would it still be okay?
If I die, would it finally start living?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

If I cry, would you wipe away my tears for me? Would you be able to make me smile? Would you cry along with me? or would you just walk away, not caring...

-Nana Eddy-

Monday, November 30, 2009

A fortunate, Unfortunate day

I was reading my friend's blog the - Photography Journey - by Tham Joon Hao which reminds me of my own experience..

I was on my way to KL from Melaka with three of my friends. We're all girls, and we're in a group for an assignment we had. So we departed from our campus at 4, and was on our way to Damansara Utama, my previous home. We had an interview scheduled with a Berita Harian person, and didn't want to be late - we didn't want to give a bad impression.

My group mates... Ana, Lini and Erna

So anyway, I was the driver, and the time is reaching 6 o'clock in the morning when I felt that the car's tire behaving in a weird way. Lucky for us, I was only running 80km/h at that time, so I was able to control the car and bring it to a stop. We were all snapped out from our drowsiness... So we stepped out of the car and and what we saw, almost ripped my heart out. The right side back tire was 'history'.

My old car - already sent to scrap, the sad tools we had and the tire.

The cool thing was, we didn't panicked. Instead, what we did was to prepare to change the tire. We're not so sure if we can, but we were ready to try. As we were taking out and checking the tools (which was sad) and spare tire, we were again fortunate because at that instant, a patrol car stopped by. And so, the day was saved by the two Elite patrol gentlemen. It's too bad that I was a bit tipsy (not from drinking but from excitemant and sleepiness) to remember to take their pictures. Anyway, here's a close up to what the tire looked like...

The tire was already done for... the part it broke can actually be peeled off...

Doesn't it makes u feel we're very lucky to be alive?

Like I said, it was a fortunate, unfortunate day...
-Nana Eddy-

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Random Blogging

I'm going back to my kampung now.. So I won't be able to post... Just thought I'd leave a random blog before doing so. This was a fan art I collected some years before. Sorry I can't give the credit to the artist, but I loved it nevertheless...

Even when you're looking at me, I wonder what do you see?
Do you see me, or just a fragment of what you want me to be...

Humans and Animals

These are my beloved cats. Kiki and Koko. Yeah, I know, I know.. what a classic funny name... well, my dad gave it, I just follow him. Anyway, what I want to talk about isn't about their names. Looking at this picture, most people will think that these two are mom and child... Well, if you think that too, you thought wrong. These two has no blood relation whatsoever.

I like to say that Koko is the adopted child of Kiki. You see, Koko's real mom basically ignored her and left her to die. So, we took her in. The first day we brought Koko home, Kiki - like most other over pampered house cat do, - got jealous and didn't return home for two days. Then, when she did came home, we decided to keep her in the cage, together with the little one.

After two days, a miracle happened. The two of them just cannot be separated! Up to when the little one got sick and sent to a clinic, Kiki was meowing looking for her. When Koko was finally brought back, and we need to seclude her in a different cage, guess what happened? Kiki would always be sitting in front of the cage. If Kiki disappear for a while, the little one would be meowing non stop. - and Kiki hurriedly come back to the front of the cage! When the little one got better, and the seclusion is finished, another funny yet amazing thing happen. This little one who got separated from it's mother to early, craves for milk and had been sucking it from Kiki!! Kiki doesn't have milk with her since she's not pregnant, but it just let the kid do what it wants to do. Even when her breast got injured and bleeds due to the kid's teeth, she still allows it!! Now, the kid is still doing whatever she likes, and Kiki entertain her, plays with her, and even begs for food for the kid. She seldom went out of house, if she does, she'll hurry home.

I was awed. I mean. this is animals, two cats with no relation we're talking about. If animals - which cannot think and only act with their instincts, can come to love other's child, put aside their differences and live harmoniously with each other, then does this make these humans - supposedly the one who can think, judge and have superior minds, - worst than animals?

When they decide to do the things like this, when they think - "Oh, I'm so ashamed to raise a bastard" or "Oh, I'm not married, I don't have a job, I can't take care of another" or "We need to be stronger, let's attack" or "I want power" or "Let's attack before they do" - or whatever other reasons they cock up to justify what they did or are about to do, did they stop and think what will happen to other lives, apart from themselves? Didn't past histories and stories taught them yet the horrors of such act? Didn't they felt chocked, and felt like crying every time they see these horrible after effects?

My guess is, No. Humans are naturally selfish. They only think about themselves first. More often than not, they forget about others. God, save me from being such a person... Amen

just another brat with opinion,
-Nana Eddy-

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A dedication...

I've met a lot of wonderful people along the way. This is just another group of them. But the special thing about these awesome people is that they gave a me a wonderful memory to bring with me throughout my life.

Sunil, Marcus, Me, Crystal and Tham

When I signed up as a volunteer for YES2009, I never thought I'd be assigned with the hotel team. The one that chose me to be there was Mai Amante

Sweet, sweet Mai. She's a Philippine, currently on a one year contract with Youth Asia. She said that she personally chose us to be on the team. At first, I felt quite disappointed since this team was my third choice. But as I learned of the jobs, and I met the people working along with me, I was very much thankful to her. I don't know what made her to chose me, but because she did, I sincerely love her for that :) The fact that she's nice, sweet and pretty is totally a bonus for me. I can't help being enchanted by her. She's lovely, she's lively, she's just... Mai. I loved chatting with her. She makes people feel comfortable. I wish her a successful and happy life. I can't wait to see her wedding pictures :)

The guys that made my days at the PICC an interesting one, Tham, Sunil and Marcus. Somehow they got me through the securities and we ended up enjoying our time at the 'Media' section. There's less traffic, more food and fewer stairs. Lols. If I hadn't been tagging along with them, I would most probably feel ultimately lost.

Sunil, Tham and Marcus

The first of these guys that I met was Tham. When I arrived at the hotel, he was already there... Looking as lost as I was. Without waiting for the others, we started the ice breaking ourselves.

He was... well for the most part charming - as he puts it. The very first impression he gave me was just of a highly intellectual guy. He had an interesting interest towards aqua marine, and he took it as his major. I find it intriguing to actually meet a Youth that actually really cares about the environment. The fact that he's working on doing something about it is another bonus. He's good with digital stuff. He handled the name listing for registration efficiently. Then, I found out he's actually a freelance photographer - I should have guessed so from the expensive camera he carries. I've seen his pictures - I love it and I totally hate him (in a jealous kind of way). I've always wanted to take good pictures. I have soooo much more to learn.

What is most unexpected to me was actually his extrovert-ness. The first day I met him, he only speaks when ask, and only talks about serious matters. Gave me an illusion of an elderly business-like gentleman. hoho... It's not bad, but for a youth, it's kind of boring. And he proved me I was never much more wrong. The first day of the summit, which would be the third day we met, he was making me laugh endlessly. We were definitely shooting arrows at each other, picking on a fight and teasing but nevertheless, it was a fight I immensely enjoyed.

Tham's supposedly most 'charming' smile LOLs

Marcus and Sunil appeared before me at the same time. The first one that caught my attention was Sunil. His bandaged hands are definitely hard to miss.

We clicked off as soon as we started talking - well, at least to me. His story of his little accident and probably the way he tells the story made me laugh. And I definitely starts to favor him for his response to my age. He said "uhmm, old". He says it so nonchalantly that its hard to miss the teasing. That scores him a point in my book of favoritism. (LOLs)

Sunil was most probably the most gentlemanly guy among the guys. Even injured, he would offer himself to pick up things for the ladies. He speaks with respect to others, paying attention to the gender and race. He teases people, but just enough to make people feel extremely comfortable with him. And it's a bonus that he's cute. His reactions and demeanor are cute as well. His injured hands limits some of his actions. I noticed that he never ask for help. He'd do it himself, but he looks so pitiful that I can't stop myself from helping him. Is it male ego? I don't know, but in this case, it makes him look adorable (it's a compliment, so don't sweat a guy being called adorable).

It's a pity I only get to spend such a small amount of time with him. I know he has a lot more to offer, a lot more depth than what meets the eye. Although he appears to be easy-going, he has the heart of gold, and a mind of silver.

Marcus, the first thing you'd notice about him is his good sense of style. He always appears pleasing to the eyes, never look unkempt. Had I not asked, I wouldn't have guessed he's 19. His demeanor so mature and out of these three guys, he seems like the responsible one.

Even from behind, Marcus looks good. The camera loves him

Probably because he's younger, it's easy for me to approach him and tease him. But, teasing him is not that much fun since he's so composed. - that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to have fun. In fact, he was as crazy as the other two - only he did those crazy thing in such a composed manner that you wouldn't notice it was crazy if you didn't look properly. haha.

The responsible Marcus - doing work even during lunch.

For a young person, he gives a strong vibe of leadership. He makes people feel secure, and trust him - a very bad quality if the person is a 'snake'. But in his case, I'll take a vote and vouch for him. I may not know much about him, but I think any girl would be lucky to call this guy hers. :)

I was lucky enough to get a picture with him :)

The next person, my three night roommate, Crystal. I just noticed I didn't have any pictures just with the two of us since she's so very elusive.

Crystal and a Thailand delegate

For some reason, u have the feeling that Crystal is not just what she seems either. She's full of secrets and I can't quite grasp her way of thinking. I think I'm too old to understand a 16-years old girl thoughts. LOLs. But, this girl is full of energy. She's enthusiastic in whatever task she's given. She's friendly to all, and always willing to help. She's full of questions, and willing to learn - which is very good for someone in that age. Like the others, she too gives a person a comfortable feeling and a sense of belonging. She might be younger that the rest of us, but through out the summit, it doesn't feel that way at all. Meaning she adapts just nicely with the others.

Another thing I can't miss about Crystal is the leadership quality in her. She can make her own decision and she thinks like any leader would. Given time and experience, she'd be an awesome leader. Right now, she might be a bit rough around the edges, a bit rushed and too haste, but in the future, I'm sure she'll be someone very successful. Oh, did I mention that I think she's pretty? It's a shame she's so elusive towards the camera.

He joined us a day later than the rest. But, he's an equally interesting being as the rest. Loh Kim Choon. I told him I like his name, but instead he hates it. Ironic. Lately he's saying to call him Kimmy (coined by a Philippine girl) but before, he was thinking of using Lucius as his English name (which I think matches his personality).

When I first saw Loh, I thought he was younger, around 19. I was mistaken - he's 21. the same as Sunil and Tham. Now that I look back, I wonder why I thought that. He doesn't actually look young but... I don't know... :p Working with him, what I can say about him is that he's reliable. Although I don't spend as much time with him as I did with the other four, he's actually my favorite. Most probably because I shared most of my task with him, and I find it very easy to work along with him. Not only that he's easy to work with, I feel that his thinking works at the same 'wavelength' with me. Meaning we don't really have to say much to understand each other - which was super awesome. (Well, at least to me)

Of course, my feeling on that just works on the surface level. haha.. I'm not as intellectual or as into entrepreneurship as he is. But, on a social level, we get along just nice. Loh, had interesting ideas and opinions. When we chat, I find myself enjoying the chat and being completely at ease. He was the reason that I am currently using too much of the word 'awesome'. I was teasing him and now, I'm stuck with the word. LOLs. Loh had a very good communication skill - he knows how to flirt but not come out as a pervert. A highly helpful skill. hehe XD

These awesome people are all special in their own way. I wouldn't have trade them with any other.
Tham, Sunil, Loh, Marcus, Me, and Crystal

Being the only Muslim and Malay among them, I did not even once feel alienated or prejudiced. It's almost like the difference doesn't exist at all. Being the oldest among them also didn't affect anything. It's the wondrous human power to adapt. It's either they are mature for their age or I'm just still too childish at heart for mine. Well, I'll vouch for the later since I still feel like a brat - although one with opinions :)

-Nana Eddy-

An Unlikely Beauty

I haven't even finish my last post on YES2009, and now I'm writing another.. So inconsistent. I decided that in order to make my blog entries more consistent, I will just drop by something, anything at least once in two days.. Can I do it? It sounds hard... LOL

Today is a random picture I took some time ago. An unlikely beauty... I found these inside of a drain near my home. Pretty huh? When I see this picture I always feel refreshed. Even a plant can grow healthily and beautifully inside the most unlikely place. Why not me? Even in the dumps, I'll rise up and grow... more beautifully, more successfully, and stronger..

You thought what you see is only a fragment of glass, so you dismiss it... But if you look closely enough, it's actually a rough diamond waiting to be discovered...

-Nana Eddy-

Monday, November 23, 2009

A first time for...

There's always a first time for everything... Today is just one of those days for me...

I've been described as many things by my friends and family... Hyper, Happy, loves to laugh, hot tempered, brutal, naughty, hard-headed and many more... even those to the most absurd description (for me that is) such as shy and polite (as in lemah lembut). But today, was the first day someone told me that when they look at me and read my eyes, he sees that I'm actually a very sad person.

Am I sad? I never thought of myself as a sad person. I feel that I'm basically highly contented. My studies are doing great, I had great friends, and my relation with my family is all good. Sure, I have my 'down' times, but hey, doesn't everyone?

"What's a big deal about ONE person's opinion anyway?"... You might be thinking this. It isn't... Well usually, it isn't a big deal... It doesn't matter much to me about what people think of me, I am who I am... But what he said keeps on bugging me because partially, I think he's right. If you ask me, what am I unhappy about, I can't answer you. I don't know what's bothering me, but I feel it. I feel myself being dragged down by an invisible weight, and the fact that I can't recognize what it is, is probably the cause for me staying up so late in the night writing this blog like this.

So, I asked him, "Why do you say that?" He says I have a deep watery eyes... It's like I'm pretending to be happy. Even when I smile, it's not 100% genuine smile, and my eyes betray me... The only defense I could come up with is that, I cry easily when I sympathize, I empathize, or simply when I watch movie although never in front of people. So my watery eyes could be because I'm emotional. And my smile, My dad always complains that my smile and laugh looks fake. - Even to me, that sounds weak.

And he says "Do you lie to yourself about your feelings?"

I was smiling to myself and thinking to myself, "I like this guy. He knows..."

He knows what it is like to lie to yourself and end up believing your lies. At first, it might start off as a lie but gradually, we'll become what we think and the lies, won't be lies anymore. I guess, everyone does that. It is somekind of human mechanism to save themselves from crumbling to bits. It's what hold them together as a person. The only difference is weather they realize it or not.

And I like him even more when he answered my next question the way he did. I asked, "Tell me, do you think I'm shy?"

He says, "You seem shy but you try to be loud"

He really does know. LOL.. usually when I asked my friends if they think I'm shy, they would immediately answer, "Not at all". To this one person who can see this in me, I thank him very much. The reason why I get frustrated to those people who just won't come to the front with the excuse of being 'shy' is exactly this. They think it's a given thing that I should be in front since I am not shy. When the reality is, I too had to fight off my shy-ness. They have NO idea how much effort and lying to myself I need to put in order for me to appear 'not shy'. Feeling of 'shy' is in-fact just another state of mind. All you have to do is condition your mind not to feel it.

But still, it's up to the individuals. If they don't feel like pushing themselves to their limit, then no one can. If they feel contented to forever stay 'shy' then by all means, go on... But don't complain when people don't pay attention to you, don't whine when people don't care about your opinion, don't envy others who has the guts to step to the front and talk bad about them from behind. You are what you choose to be - that's it.

For all my acting my whole life, I could have won an Oscar - really. But I have no qualms on who I am today, and I will try to learn and become a better person in the future. One day while I was browsing the net, some years ago I came across this picture,

Am I crying? Why am I crying? - it said. Ever since I laid my eyes on it till this date, this is my favorite picture. I guess, it accurately describe what I'm feeling right now...

To Sunil, if by chance you're reading this. I thank you very much. You allowed me this chance to take a step back and look at myself. I am glad that I was given a chance to meet and know you. Of course, that goes without saying, to the other hotel team guys as well...

Sunil & Me

Like always, Just ramblings of a brat with opinions - Nana Eddy


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