Question: do you believe in second chances?
Answer: yes. Definitely. Humans make mistakes. Most of it are unconscious People change, circumstance change, time change. What's important is to realize that you made the mistake.
Answer: I did. He's just three years too late to take it. And three million tears too slow to take it back. I'm no longer in that space where I was waiting for him. I've moved on. I might look back to reminisce that space. But, I'll never go back there. I know what it feels like being there. And I don't want to feel it again. I'm over it.
Question: Then why bother to write this post at all?
Answer: Because I'm tired of repeating myself. I'm just over it. All I feel now is politeness from a long and old friendship. This is safe. This is fine. This is comfortable. Isn't it enough that we can still stay friends? That we can still bump shoulders and laugh about it?
Question: Well, maybe now he has changed. Don't you think he deserves another chance?
Answer: I have no doubt he has. But the thing is, I did too. I'm no longer that teen girl who is filled with romantic dreams and happy ever after. Somewhere along the way, I've found much bigger things I want in life. So many years had passed and gone. Do I believe in a second chance? Yes, "a" second chance. not chances. When you make the same mistake twice, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice. He made his choice. And I made mine.
Question: Isn't it unfair? You gave him the chance when he was not yet ready for it.
Answer: I suppose, opportunities present itself to you only when you are ready? I suppose trains/bus/airplane will wait for you when you are ready to board? I suppose time will wait for you when you are ready?? No, it never did, never is and never will. Time goes on and goes by without waiting for anyone. Once it passes, you can't do anything to turn it back. I did not exactly decide to leave that space. I just did. But once I did, I decided not to go back. And even if I try, I won't be able to stay long. Because being out of that space feels much better.
Question: If you are so sure, why don't you just give the chance? You won't lose anything.
Answer: That's where you are wrong. I will lose something. I'll lose time. And I would probably hurt again at the exact same spot it did before. You see, I know him. And more importantly, I know myself. Despite how much we change, I know him. I know for sure he did not know where he was wrong, and more frustrating is he did not feel that he was in the wrong at all. That is fine. I mean, sometimes you just can't see it from other people's perspective. But other people will apologize anyway. For the sake of the friendship we have. For the sake of burying the hatchet. But not him. Never him.That part of him didn't change at all. And I know from there giving him another chance meaning giving him another chance to hurt me. I know myself. despite how much I feel like I don't care, but eventually I will care. And then, I'll get hurt again. This is one choice I prefer not to make.
Question: In short you are just scared?
Answer: Terrified.
Second chances.... I believe in second chances. Just not sure if everyone deserves it....
................
