Ramblings of A Chaotic Week

'BRAIN FREEZE!!' I might as well put my head in the freezer. No, not because I ate Ice or ice-cream... It's just that I felt like my brain had gone frozen, solid. I can't seem to have coherent thoughts. And I can't think straight... A lot of mumbo jumbo... It doesn't help that my heart is in chaos as well...



Well, anyways, I went to my friend's convocation. I can't help thinking, "I should've been there with them". but, things turned out differently for me. I found my calling in other area, I'm not for architecture.



Some might think I'm a loser, since I quit, but I like to think that I'm a fighter because I dare to quit when I know I had stepped on the wrong path. The new path I took, was much better for me.




Just look at those disgustingly happy faces... (Jealousy talk haha)







I am happy for them, especially to my two best-est friend, Shah and Fitriyah... Maybe next time we all gather to meet will be their wedding day? (Amiiin)

Fitriyah and Shah Fahmi

Then, we went lepak somewhere with the 'gang'. I was blown away when someone ask me, "Hey, are you ok? I heard your xbf is with you friend now..."
WHAT THE...??? That was blown WAAAY out of proportion. Sure, I was close to him for quite some time - a very short time, but who ever said he was MY boyfriend? and IF there is no boyfriend, WHERE did this x-boyfriend came from?

I had to admit, having seen him going after my sort-of close friend, does give an awful after taste... but, I'm okay with that - now. Had this happened 2 years ago, I doubt I'd still say the same thing. We weren't lovers, but we're not exactly 'just friends' either... In a more 'friendster' kind of way to say it, "it's complicated" lols...

I guess that was a day for celebration - no matter how cranky I'm feeling, I'll put up a smile for the world to see.

... and today, I felt even much more crankier... My (current) crush introduced me to his girlfriend. (Well he didn't actually introduced, but I guessed and I asked, and he admits) It was weird, because at that time, what I felt was excitement, for him. She's really cute. Fits him to a tee.. hoho. (and I told him so)... I had always been jokingly telling him - well half jokingly -that I'm actually courting him. I'm thankful that he admits having someone else as an interest and didn't keep on feeding my interest. At least, I can move on.. in other words, 'Next!!' haha...

Not until I left that I start to have this nagging feeling. Well, he's just another crush. I haven't fallen 'in love' or anything but... I felt my heart beats a bit incoherently... I guess, u can have your heart broken when what you work on fails, even when you didn't put any heart to it...

Maybe it's because my already beaten and battered heart wasn't able to heal completely yet...

Earlier this week, my dearest uncle so suddenly passed away... What kills me the most that day at the funeral, is his 11 year old son, being strong for his mom, his two elder sister and his soft-hearted older brother. He was the youngest, but he's the strongest and bravest. He cried only twice. Once when he heard the news. And again as they were closing up the corps. And even then, he wasn't wailing. He held his face expression tightly, only his tears kept flowing... Heart-breakingly slow and sad... I was able to held my tears... until I saw his pure honest tears... And as I held his oldest sister in my embrace... She was crying, and she never embraced me as tightly as that time... Again my tears are too stubborn and wouldn't listen. And so, I cried again...

His tears was so heart-breakingly pure....

Unknowingly... I was crying too.

All in all, this hasn't be a good week for me. My mending heart got torn just a bit more... Oh well, life goes on... Despite everything, believe it or not, I'm happy in my own ways. Well, perhaps not happy, but highly contented - and that itself, is happiness for me.

I might lose sometimes, but I'm not giving up. If I drop and break into pieces, I'll pick up the pieces and stand up yet again.

It's just me rambling - a brat with my very own opinion.

-Nana Eddy-