Wednesday Blues~ "Accepting you're gone, but feeling like you're still here.."

Have you ever felt like you're over something, that things had gone back to the way they are but really, it didn't? Well, these things seems to happen a lot to me.

It was such a cloudy day~

I lost a very good friend  about 5 months back. It came as a shock that paralyzed me for three days, and kept me in a dark and sad mood for almost a month. But life had to go on. And kept on living is what I did.



I am already at peace with the fact that he's no longer here. Although sometimes when I think and talk about him, I still feel a kind of pain stabbing me with tears threatening to fall. But I'm still ok. The only reason why I suddenly posted this up again is because I went to visit him last Sunday.

We planned to go there early in the morning, but due to circumstances, were delayed till noon. We arrived approximately at 3 and surprisingly, it was cloudy and breezy. It wasn't at all hot and it wasn't raining. Almost like that day he was buried.

After reading Yaasin for him, I stood there by his grave just staring. I have already accepted that he's gone, and I am looking straight at his grave. But then, why do I still feel everything to be so surreal? Even when we went to visit his mom, talking to her, at times reminiscing, and then going to his room, I could not shake away that feeling. He must've meant a lot more to me than I thought he did. Or perhaps it's just me being overly sensitive?

This was our first Hari Raya without him. Since I met him, he's always at our open house and I'm always happy to see he eat (he loves eating). This year I'm having another one and it felt kinda sad that he won't be there ever again.

Al-Fatihah, buat Allahyarham Irsyad.

If I am feeling this much pain just writing about it, I wonder how his mother and siblings are coping with it. Since all that lives will eventually die, I dunno how I'm going to cope when the time comes for my loved ones to go. But I guess, we learn to live the day as it comes. No point planning for things that we can't control.

When the time comes, we'll all leave~

To those who have lost their loved ones, be strong and keep on living the best you can. It's okay to remember and reminisce sometimes, but don't dwell. They won't like it. You can cry, but do remember to smile again. After all, life is only as much as we make of it.

Just a short update. Take care alls,